Why women are responsible for “the hook-up culture” and how we can change it

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What I’m about to say may come off as a little harsh, but my mother always told me that being straightforward was always better than sugarcoating an issue.

Sometimes Betty Crocker can’t even make a poorly baked cake look better.  So why should you try to be sweet with an issue that can’t be dressed up and presented as something acceptable?

There are countless articles on the interwebs about “the hook-up culture” and how it is ruining relationships for millennials. Girls are settling for hooking up guys who don’t actually want to date them, and subsequently perpetuating the idea that men don’t need to commit to women in order to get what they want.

While the hook-up culture is absolutely a factor in changing the relationship landscape of today, the reality is that the entire culture can be entirely changed by women–we just have to want to do it.

This isn’t new news, but there is a double standard in society that says women cannot have the same hook up patterns (publicly) as men.  I don’t plan on going into the idiocy of this notion, nor do I feel like I should have to explain to the other half of the human race that women are just as sexually charged as men, but unfortunately, in today’s world, girls cannot go around hooking up with multiple people in short periods of time without earning some sort of derogatory label.

With the advent of technology and the ridiculous idea that being tied down to one person during your twenties is insane, women have settled for steady hooks ups rather than relationships.  This is all fine and well until you’re faced with a complete degenerate asshole who doesn’t respect you as a human being.

If you happen to be one of those girls who has decided to engage in a casual hook up situation with  Mr. Douche, than please listen very carefully to what I am about to say.

You knew he wasn’t going to be boyfriend material when you started hooking up with him.  There was never any thought in your mind that it would turn into something more than sex.  When talking about him with your friends, you have associated his name with the following: douche, asshole and loser.  You are aware that he does not respect you, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not.

The way I see it, you have two choices. You can choose to make sex the priority.  You can accept that he doesn’t respect you in the way that he should, and fully look at it as you needing your needs met just as much as he needs his.  But it will have to be on a ‘good for him’ basis, because you know he doesn’t always follow through with plans.

Or you can choose to make yourself the priority.  Awareness of your personal worth and value as a human being is something so easily compromised today.  While you may have needs just like a guy does, by not putting self respect above sex, you’re perpetuating the hook-up culture.  You’re making it okay for guys to not call when they say they will, flake on plans and disrespect girls because they know they will be able to get what they want at a later time.

It starts with girls respecting themselves.  No one said changing the world was easy, and it’s not always a fair fight.  But the girl who respects herself puts out a far better vibe than the girl who is just down for anything, and guys will notice that.

Image via We Heart It

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Meg is a freelance writer from Boston, MA. She enjoys bacon cheeseburgers, lazy Sundays, a good Pinot Noir, and sweatpants. When she isn't contributing at The Eighty8 or Elite Daily, she spends a lot of time giving unqualified advice on her personal blog, Half and Half. You can find her on Twitter, Instagram, and the closest brunch buffet.