Guys: Here’s how to get a right swipe on Tinder

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Ahh Tinder…the single girl’s BFF. Whether you use it for hook-ups, to find a husband or just as a ego booster (and who doesn’t love all those matches?) – it’s become an essential app in the 21st Century dating game. But last week, whilst left-swiping the majority of the male population, I thought – guys… you really need to up your Tinder game.

I’ll confess – I’m picky. I’m probably pickier than most. I spend on average 0.5 seconds on a potential Tinder match before swiping him into the never-never cyber-space Land of Left. If I do actually decide to take a further look – you should consider this a huge success on your behalf, as Tinder truly brings out my darkest inner shallow self. But guys – listen up. There’s definitely some things you could, and should, be doing to maximize your Tinder potential.

Disclaimer – the following ridiculous situations are all true. You heard right, these guys actually exist on Tinder. You lucky, lucky girls, you.

If you have a dumb name – you’re gone. Sorry “Aesthetic,” “CraigyBaby,” “Bugsy” and my personal fave… “Nacho” –  #cya.

Baby pictures are not okay. I don’t care if you point out in your bio that the cute kid on your picture is in fact, your nephew. Who cares? I probably haven’t got as far as reading your bio. This isn’t match.com, people.

As a general consensus – less is more. It only takes one picture out of five to put me off. Like, like, like, eurgh- cya. If you’re not photogenic, leave it to the imagination.

Group pictures are a no-no. Can I be arsed to try and figure out who you are out of the five guys on your pic? No, I cannot. Left swipe.

Bad clothes? Ciao. You might be really, really attractive. But if you can’t dress yourself- you’re gone. Stupid hat, ridiculously low jeans, hideous shirt?  I’m never going to want to date you. Sorry.

Mirror selfies are not okay. Ever. iPhones have a front camera for a reason. No matter how hot you are – if you’ve taken a selfie in a mirror you’re never, ever going to get a right swipe. Ever.

Unclear, fuzzy, or far away images are also boring. And a note to the guys who put up memes or cartoons as their pic- how ugly are you?! You have my attention for all of 0.5 seconds – if I can’t clearly see you and judge you purely on your looks – you’re a goner. Soz.

Skiing/surfing pictures won’t bag you that right swipe. So you’re a great skier? Cool. But I can’t see your face behind the Olympic-grade goggles, full-face robber mask and stupid hat, therefore you’re not getting my attention. Save your hobbies for the small talk – or at least your fifth pic. I wanna see your face, boy.

Images of you kissing your girlfriend. Do you people not understand Tinder?! Move along.

Body pictures aren’t welcomed. So you have an 8-pack? Great…love it…don’t need to see it right now. Fine, have a holiday picture amongst your pics. Totally okay with that. But every single picture as your stomach, arms, etc…ugh.

Don’t threaten me in your bio, pal. “Don’t bother liking if you’re not going to talk” … erm, hold on, darl. Maybe you were a pity swipe, maybe you were a drunk swipe, maybe the wink after “Hey girl ;)” freaked me out and I don’t want to speak to you anymore. THAT’S MY CHOICE.

If you take too long to load, you’re getting left-swiped. Granted- you don’t really have much control over that, so I’m sorry. But that’s just how impatient I am.

Top tips on getting a right swipe:

Dog pictures are welcome. You have 99.9% more chance of me looking through the rest of your pictures if you have a cute fuzzy friend in your main image. So what if I’m only looking to check out your pooch – you got my attention.

If I know you in real life, you’re almost 100% going to get right-swiped. Okay – so it’s probably just out of curiosity to see if you also right-swiped me…but don’t worry. I’ll probably block you straight after to avoid any unnecessary awks.

If you’re mediocre at best, it pays to have a hot girl on your picture. I might give you props because she’s so hot…. slash just look through your pictures to stalk her.

Image via We Heart It

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Chloe is a freelance fashion and beauty writer who is obsessed with all things pretty. A country-gal now based in London, she's worked for LOOK, InStyle and Grazia before joining The Eighty8. Usually found glugging champagne, gatecrashing events or devouring sweet-treats... follow her socially @chloeburcham