10 Reasons why you should stop obsessing over men

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Every girl at one point or another is guilty of obsessing over men. Who hasn’t gone overboard checking their phone on a night out to see if he’s called or texted? Who hasn’t stayed up tossing and turning analyzing that one thing he said? Who hasn’t binge watched chick flicks only to storm off bitterly, mumbling profanities under their breath? Okay, maybe that last part is just me. I know how easy it is to get caught up in love, but sometimes I can’t help but get frustrated at the overwhelming presence of it in our everyday lives. There is a lot of talk among millennials about the hookup culture and the challenges of navigating dating, love, and romance within our generation. It’s difficult to tune it all out and let go of the pressure and anxiety. Here are a few things to keep in mind the next time you start to obsess over a guy.

 1. No one belongs on a pedestal

All women have a very fashionable pair of rose-colored glasses. When you have a crush or first start dating someone, it’s easy to put them on a pedestal and think they are the greatest thing to happen since leggings came back in style. They might be or they might not be–either way, that guy you’re freaking out about because he hasn’t texted you back is full of flaws and insecurities. He’s just a person. If he’s your person, he’ll text you back. If he isn’t, it’s his loss.

 2. If he likes you, you’ll know

I know denial is a fun, lovely place from my own frequent visits but when it comes to men you have to keep it real with yourself. Sometimes there is a gray area but as a rule if you’re constantly questioning whether or not he’s into you, you already know deep down that he isn’t. Any time you spend sugarcoating it or making excuses is time wasted and will only delay the inevitable heartbreak.

3. Ask yourself what you want

So you meet someone and the next thing you know you can’t stop thinking about him. It’s exhilarating but also can be dangerous. A potential relationship can be so alluring that we forget to ask ourselves what we want. Are we ready? Does this person suit my needs? Do we want the same things? If you’re concerned with yourself and your own wants and needs you’re a lot less likely to obsess about someone else’s. That’s how it should be.

4. No relationship is perfect

It’s difficult to be single and see other people in happy relationships. But even the happiest relationships go through rough times. Relationships are work! Sometimes we get so swept up in the concept of the fairy tale that it makes us desperate to have the fantasy and not the reality. I guarantee Brad and Angelina have gotten into some nasty fights that, if you witnessed, would make you grateful for your single nights in with a bottle of Cupcake wine.

5. Savor your solo time

Speaking of those single nights in with wine, you should savor them. The worst part about being single is wondering if you’ll find someone, but trust me, you will. Seriously, you will. And if you spend all your single time anxiously awaiting Prince Charming you’ll miss out on some quality time with yourself. Instead of obsessing over your future Mister, obsess over yourself because once you find him your time will be divided.

6. You don’t want to be “that girl”

There’s always that girl who has nothing else to talk about besides her crush/boyfriend/fiancé/husband. She’s annoying and everyone feels sorry for her. If you can’t go a minute without referring the guy in your life, you have a problem that needs to be rectified ASAP. Of course you’re allowed to talk about him, but if it’s all you can talk about that’s when you become that girl. Think about that girl and let it motivate you to not obsess.

7. Your girlfriends are more important

It’s a cardinal rule: never forsake your female friends for a guy. We’ve all seen it happen and most of us have even done it. Your girlfriends are vital to your well-being. It’s crazy to think about how much time we spend dedicated to the pursuit of romance instead of the pursuit of friendships. I wish there were a Tinder to make awesome new girlfriends. Can someone invent that?

8. Refocus your energy

I can’t count how many times I’ve gotten sidetracked by a crush or relationship and missed out on something that I later regretted. If you find yourself crushing hard or spending way too much time obsessing over or hanging out with a guy, refocus your energy. Make time to go to the gym or to do an extra project at work.  Never let a guy hijack your life. You are the sun in your solar system, not some guy.

9. You’re never going to find it if you’re looking for it…

…well, sort of. It’s important to be open to love, but going on a mission for love creates expectations that could set you up for disappointment. If you’re juggling Tinder, OkCupid, Match.com, and PlentyofFish accounts you’re going to burn yourself out. Everyone’s story is different. Just because your parents got married at twenty-two doesn’t mean it’ll be the same for you, and putting that sort of pressure on yourself will only make it all the worse. You’ll want every guy you meet to be the one and that’s not fair to him or to you. If you feel ready for love put yourself out there, but remember fortune favors the bold, not the impatient.

10. You’re worth it

L’Oreal is onto something. The next time you find yourself biting your nails agonizing over a draft of a text that you can’t get up the courage to send, remember that you’re beautiful and smart and worth it. He should be so lucky to receive a text from you. He should be so lucky that he even occupies your thoughts. Image via We Heart It

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Rachel Harrison is a freelance writer who lives in Brooklyn. She graduated from Emerson College with her Bachelor's in Writing for Film & Television. She enjoys reading, all things vintage, good company, and embracing her inner nerd. Follow her on Twitter @rachfacelogic.